Standing On A Chair

Telling it like I see it…

On Infidelity

This piece is not written for those of you who have found your long-term bliss with a trusted partner.  And I fall to my knees before you in genuflection; in wonder and admiration, because you have been mentally healthy enough to attract the right kind of person.

This piece is written for the rest of the “unwashed masses,” myself included, who have been mentally ill enough to attract a long succession of the wrong kind of person.

About ten years ago I asked my fourth (and favorite) shrink: 

“Are there really men who are faithful?  And if so, please tell me, how will I recognize them?  What do they look like?  How do they act?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I am a man, and I am faithful.”

“Will you marry me?”

“No.  That would be unethical.”

I wish my first husband had realized that.  He was a shrink, I was his patient, and he made the mistake of marrying me.  But that’s a story for another day.

Make no mistake about this: I love men.  I really do.  I find them gorgeous, fascinating, and utterly unfathomable.  I’ve had lots of practice with them too, over the years.  All kinds:  hotties; not-so-hotties; brilliant; not-so-brilliant; younger, older, and in-between.  I wouldn’t give up those rich experiences for anything.  I’ve been miserable with some, elated with others.  Short-term or long-term, though, they all ended.  The underlying reason?  Infidelity.

Life experience is a great teacher, but there are some life-lessons you don’t want to learn.  There was a fifteen-year gap between my two marriages, in which I was a single, working parent.  During that time, and I am not making this up, a week didn’t go by that I wasn’t propositioned by a married man.

My own father, whom I adored, was a celebrated, serial infidel.

My question is why do we continue to expect what is apparently, mostly, impossible?  It has been said that men are not built for monogamy, going way back to the days when they were compelled to “spread their seed widely” to propagate the species.  And so if that’s still the case, why in God’s name do men continue to make promises of fidelity in the first place?

I realize that infidelity is not limited to men only.  Women cheat too.  But again, that’s a story for another day.

Remember, this is my take on the thing.  Just sayin’.

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November 9, 2010 - Posted by | Infidelity | , ,

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