Standing On A Chair

Telling it like I see it…

Rants from the Chair: Christmas Really Pisses Me Off

Well, it’s not really Christmas that pisses me off.  It’s what people do with it.  Every year, there are those who practically eliminate the true spirit of it all. 

And I’m sick of it.

Let’s start with the merchants.  They’re hauling out the Christmas shit and stuffing it on the shelves before Halloween, for God’s sake. 

Don’t even get me started on Black Friday.  Where does it say that the occasion of the birth of Christ means it’s time to turn into an insane and ravenous mob of sale-hungry lunatics who would just as soon kill than to miss out on that heavily discounted flat screen TV?

Moving right along, how about those high expectations and the pressure to spend more money than we have because we believe (wrongly) that if we give lavish gifts, our loved-ones will then know just how much we love them?  And come to think of it, so many hard-working people are lucky to even pay their bills these days, so where for the love of God are they getting the money to buy presents?

And then there’s my mother, who for the past decade has celebrated the holidays (including Thanksgiving) by turning into Scrooge’s vile and evil, long-lost third cousin once removed.  I keep asking myself over and over, What the Fuck?  She’s got the longevity to know her great-grandchildren, she lives relatively pain-free in a nice place, and she can enjoy all the festivities without having to lift a finger.  When asked one time why she always hated everybody’s guts from mid-November to January 1, she vaguely bemoaned something about her lost youth with an impatient wave of her arm and a frown on her face.  Please God, let me savor every phase of my life, even into very old age.

And what about the part where some of the most horrendous family fights have taken place at the table of the holiday feast?  Granted, lots of relatives can’t stand one another, and yet they are forced out of obligation to gather together at a time that’s supposed to be filled with joy, thanks and love. 

Oh My God!

If it weren’t for my gorgeous grandsons, a daughter to die for who is married to an Angel from Heaven with Wings; if it weren’t for the stunning and colorful holiday luminosities visible all over town; if it weren’t for joyful Christmas Carols and Santa Claus and the smell of baking turkey or ham and great friends and babies with bright excited faces, I swear to God I would go completely off the deep end.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. 

Christmas really pisses me off.


December 6, 2011 - Posted by | Christmas | , , , , ,


  1. Now you should write something about what Alan thought of Christmas. Hehheeeeeee

    Comment by Mike Miller | December 6, 2011 | Reply

  2. Jill, we realllllllllllllly need to get together for a pre-Christmas drink…

    Comment by Peggy Smith | December 6, 2011 | Reply

  3. OMG…..Jill I almost died at my desk laughing this is so how I feel every year at Christmas…. and really Patrick is going to need Pam or something sprayed on his head after he reads this….Lord have mercy…You have got to stop filling these men’s heads with these thoughts. Loving the continued Rants from the Chair as always.

    Comment by Jenneina E. Decker | December 8, 2011 | Reply

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